Marriage

Encouragement for Women Whose Husbands Have Fallen Into Pornography

^{Editor’s Note: The following article contains sensitive subject matter about sexuality. Some material may be inappropriate for children.}

Read Part 1.

by Debi Pryde

How Could He Do Such a Thing?

Perhaps you are wondering, How do men or women get entrapped by something as vile and self-centered as pornography and masturbation or by any kind of sexual immorality, for that matter? How can a husband say he loves his wife and then engage in such raunchy behavior? Women who are faced with questions like these often feel deeply betrayed. As the impact of their husband’s sin presses on them, they usually vacillate between anger, insecurity, and sorrow. Trust is shattered, and fear quickly slides into its place. Because involvement with pornography isn’t usually understood or expected, women often struggle to grapple with the realities of such an enslaving habit. With good reason, it is a sin that causes a wife to feel strangely violated. Something or someone else has used what she believed was exclusively hers alone.

To a woman who is reeling in the aftershock of discovering her husband’s vice, it seems senseless and incredibly stupid for him to risk losing everything that is dear in order to gratify sexual urges that are so base. Yet responding with disgust and bewilderment is the way most of us respond when we hear about someone who is enslaved to some devastating sin. We are surprised because we do not fully comprehend the power of sin or believe every person is vulnerable to being controlled by it.
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Encouragement for Women Whose Husbands Have Fallen Into Pornography

^{Editor’s Note: The following article contains sensitive subject matter about sexuality. Some material may be inappropriate for children.}

by Debi Pryde

You’ve made it through the initial discovery. You’ve made the decision to stay in your marriage and fight for it. You know life will never be the same again, but life does goes on. The routines of everyday living continue—work, school, grocery shopping, housework, cooking, answering the phone. You are going through the motions, and you are giving your best. But discouragement and sorrow might still be your constant companions. Perhaps you are looking back instead of looking forward, and you are still mourning over what you might still see as total loss.

Remember, discouragement is always rooted in the way we think—the specific thoughts we center our attention on, the “what ifs” and “if onlys” that crowd out any hope or rays of light. Yes, you may know God’s promises, but they will bring no comfort if your heart refuses to be comforted. Your heart may continue to mourn as though sorrow will somehow soothe the deep wounds that are yet so tender and sore. Oh, dear sister, there is no comfort, no joy, no healing, and no hope in the deep abyss of morbid thoughts and fears.

Would you take a moment to read these gentle reminders that can lead you out of the valley and into the light of day? As we have often sung,

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
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My wife knows when I want to eat. When she says, “I bet you want something to eat,” I don’t wonder if she has some weird link to my hypothalamus. She has reasoned. She bases this on many things that she knows about me. Among those things: 1) When I don’t eat for a while, I get hungry; 2) I hate bananas.

—Logically:

Premise 1: He wants to eat something when he doesn’t eat for several hours.
Premise 2: He hasn’t eaten for several hours.
Conclusion: He wants to eat something.

—And:

Premise 1: He does not like to eat things that have bananas.
Premise 2: This item has bananas.
Conclusion: He will not want to eat this item.

What, then, would my wife say if I have not eaten for 10 hours and there is only banana cake? If I am hungry enough, perhaps I will eat even the dreaded banana. Would that mean that the second principle and syllogism are false? No, they are still true, but in a relative sense. I don’t like bananas—generally. In fact, both conditions (“time since eating” and “amount of banana”) may be true to a greater or lesser extent.These conditions vary independently. They each may vary alone, together, or in opposite ways. I might have eaten minutes ago or days ago, regardless of whether the item I am offered is banana-free or 5 percent or 50 percent banana.

Neither of these principles is presented with the other as an exception. For instance, the second argument did not read:

Premise 1: He does not like to eat things that have bananas unless he is hungry.
Premise 2: This item has bananas.
Conclusion: He will not want to eat this item unless he is hungry.
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