Seven Ways to Leave a Church Well

Several of these items seem to assume that the church you’re thinking of leaving is a great church… in which case, why would you be leaving?

[Aaron Blumer]

Several of these items seem to assume that the church you’re thinking of leaving is a great church… in which case, why would you be leaving?

Clearly because you “feel called” to leave, whatever that means. Good luck finding that in Scripture.

Christians are comfortable with gentle mysticism. “I feel called …” I’m not sure they ever really believe that, or if it’s just a learned behavior to employ churchy language that means nothing!

[TylerR]

Christians are comfortable with gentle mysticism. “I feel called …” I’m not sure they ever really believe that, or if it’s just a learned behavior to employ churchy language that means nothing!

When changing employment, it’s often a pious euphemism for “I’m bored with my job,” or, “They’ll pay me more money.” ;)

Yes, I do think it’s often language people use because they’ve been taught that it’s ungodly (or just less godly​​) to say, “I thought about it and did what made sense.”

Yes, I do think it’s often language people use because they’ve been taught that it’s ungodly (or just less godly​​) to say, “I thought about it and did what made sense.”

It’s also a lot easier than “I don’t think this church is heading in the right direction” or something like that as well.

[Jay]

Yes, I do think it’s often language people use because they’ve been taught that it’s ungodly (or just less godly​​) to say, “I thought about it and did what made sense.”

It’s also a lot easier than “I don’t think this church is heading in the right direction” or something like that as well.

Yeah, so in order words, it’s a way of leaving without addressing the real reasons or issues that are a problem. If so, then it’s dishonest and ungodly.

Any person is free to leave any church they want for any reason. Period.

Now, if they made ministry commitments, like running a SS class, or being a deacon for this time period, etc., they need to deal with that. But, no one needs to have a “proper” reason to leave.

[pvawter]

Jay wrote:

Yes, I do think it’s often language people use because they’ve been taught that it’s ungodly (or just less godly​​) to say, “I thought about it and did what made sense.”

It’s also a lot easier than “I don’t think this church is heading in the right direction” or something like that as well.

Yeah, so in order words, it’s a way of leaving without addressing the real reasons or issues that are a problem. If so, then it’s dishonest and ungodly.

So why do reasons need to be addressed before you leave? If you felt like you could address them you would. So, people just leave. No reason to be argumentative. Just move on. Sometimes its the collection of little issues that people just can take anymore for whatever reason, and those things are more preference than doctrine.

On Mark’s perspective… a couple thoughts.

• Free to go, yes, but entirely without obligations?
• Golden rule: if you were in leadership you’d want to understand as well as possible what went wrong.
• The NT encourages us to view our relationship to a body of believers as something too serious to casually disregard. 1 Cor 12, and Eph 4:11-16 come to mind.

So there are some responsibilities that go with leaving. But, no, it’s not always possible to make yourself understood or to leave “on good terms.” And sometimes all the reasons why are already obvious at that point.

Yeah, so in order words, it’s a way of leaving without addressing the real reasons or issues that are a problem. If so, then it’s dishonest and ungodly.

It’s also a good way to avoid an ugly and unnecessary war with the church leadership if the leadership doesn’t take it well or is perceived as having a tendency to retaliate against departing members. It’s not just a matter of wanting to be dishonest as much as a way of cutting losses and knowing that the situation simply is no longer tenable.

Furthermore, if a family wants to leave a church because they want their children in AWANA or the youth program, is that really ‘ungodly’?

In an ideal world, yes, there’d be a sit-down and face to face with brutal honesty on both sides and everyone would know exactly where things ‘broke’. We don’t live in that world.

[Mark_Smith]

So why do reasons need to be addressed before you leave? If you felt like you could address them you would. So, people just leave. No reason to be argumentative. Just move on. Sometimes its the collection of little issues that people just can take anymore for whatever reason, and those things are more preference than doctrine.

Because you’ve covenanted with the church body, and you need to keep your covenant obligations. It shouldn’t be argumentative, but honest and up front? Yeah.

[Jay]

Yeah, so in order words, it’s a way of leaving without addressing the real reasons or issues that are a problem. If so, then it’s dishonest and ungodly.

It’s also a good way to avoid an ugly and unnecessary war with the church leadership if the leadership doesn’t take it well or is perceived as having a tendency to retaliate against departing members. It’s not just a matter of wanting to be dishonest as much as a way of cutting losses and knowing that the situation simply is no longer tenable.

Furthermore, if a family wants to leave a church because they want their children in AWANA or the youth program, is that really ‘ungodly’?

In an ideal world, yes, there’d be a sit-down and face to face with brutal honesty on both sides and everyone would know exactly where things ‘broke’. We don’t live in that world.

You seem to be assuming that the church and its leadership are dysfunctional and hostile. I don’t recall that being a part of the article or conversation until you brought it up. Pretty sure that’s a more serious reason to leave than just “we’re not sure we like the church’s direction.”

If someone’s leaving their church for a youth group down the road, do we really just shrug our shoulders and say, “Oh well! It’s not an ideal world. Can’t expect them to talk about why they’re leaving”? I don’t think so.

[pvawter]

Mark_Smith wrote:

So why do reasons need to be addressed before you leave? If you felt like you could address them you would. So, people just leave. No reason to be argumentative. Just move on. Sometimes its the collection of little issues that people just can take anymore for whatever reason, and those things are more preference than doctrine.

Because you’ve covenanted with the church body, and you need to keep your covenant obligations. It shouldn’t be argumentative, but honest and up front? Yeah.

Covenented? I joined a church. I didn’t enlist in the Marine Corps… If I feel the church I joined is no longer serving my needs, or my family’s needs, or for another reason, I can leave. I don’t have to petition to leave. I don’t have to win an argument to leave. If I want to talk to the leaders, fine. If not, fine. There is no biblical instruction on leaving a church.

[Mark_Smith]

pvawter wrote:

Mark_Smith wrote:

So why do reasons need to be addressed before you leave? If you felt like you could address them you would. So, people just leave. No reason to be argumentative. Just move on. Sometimes its the collection of little issues that people just can take anymore for whatever reason, and those things are more preference than doctrine.

Because you’ve covenanted with the church body, and you need to keep your covenant obligations. It shouldn’t be argumentative, but honest and up front? Yeah.

Covenented? I joined a church. I didn’t enlist in the Marine Corps… If I feel the church I joined is no longer serving my needs, or my family’s needs, or for another reason, I can leave. I don’t have to petition to leave. I don’t have to win an argument to leave. If I want to talk to the leaders, fine. If not, fine. There is no biblical instruction on leaving a church.

So in your mind being a member of a church is kind of like being a member of a country club…