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One Phrase You Should Never Say to Your Pastor

By Filings on Tue, 05/19/26
Church & Ministry
Church Conflict
Rumors
Pastoral Leadership
Gossip
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“The phrase starts like this: ‘People are saying…’ The conversation that follows is almost always frustrating, demoralizing, and impossible to resolve.” - C.Leaders

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Discussion

Profile picture for user Bert Perry
Bert Perry

NewOr if you're a pastor, to your congregants

Wed, 05/20/26

I once had a pastor try to rebuke me for sometimes getting to church late on the basis of anonymous allegations. I pointed out that the sin of gossip is a much bigger deal, Biblically speaking, than getting to church late because you've got six kids to get out of the house.

Really, those who will try to pass on gossip need to get that response every.last.time.they.try.it. If you don't point out the sin, you'll get it again and again and again.

Aspiring to be a stick in the mud.

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Profile picture for user dcbii
dcbii

NewAnonymous allegations

Wed, 05/20/26

I haven’t yet had to deal with a member or pastor confronting me in the church with anonymous allegations. However, years ago, my wife and I decided that if such were to happen, we would immediately say “have the person making those allegations come to us.” If that did not result in the right response, we would simply say that we refuse to either confirm or deny any accusations that are anonymous due to incorrect scriptural procedure, and end the conversation there.

Thankfully, it hasn’t happened. We’re ready if it does.

Dave Barnhart

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  • A Good Book for Our Polarized Times: Christ-Centered Conflict Resolution: A Guide for Turbulent Times
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  • The top reasons for church conflict (why fights start over trivial matters)

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There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword,
But the tongue of the wise brings healing.

(NASB, Proverbs 12:18)

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